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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Wednesday Spotlight: Anita Philmar

We Met In the Spring

My husband asked me to marry him on Valentine’s Day, during a snowstorm, but it felt like a beautiful spring day to me. We got married in June on a hot summer day. This year marks twenty-five years that we have been married.

Here are a few tips that have helped us stay together.

Share a common dream – When two people join together to reach a unified goal, it connects them in ways that inspires trust.  This can be as simple as planning a vacation or deciding on a new car, or as big as having a family. (This is something that everyone needs to talk about before they get married. If you don’t want the same things it will never work.)

Choose each other as your first family – once two people get married they both need to remember that the other person should now become their main concern. This is not to say you avoid his or her family but that you need time alone together. (This can be a big challenge during the holidays. Remember you are creating a new family of your own.)

Learn how to fight right – It can be easy to take your stress out on your spouse. Try to recognize those times when you are not at your best, then warn your partner you need time to regroup before discussing certain subjects. (My husband and I have never called each other mean names; funny or silly names—yes. But tried not to turn mean when you fight. It only makes it hard to forgive and forget)
Find a balance between time for two and time for you – Just because you are now with someone doesn’t mean you can’t have time for yourself. Each of you came into the relationship with interests that attracted the other. You still need that creative outlet to fuel your soul. Give yourself the time for yourself so you can be the person your spouse fell in love with. (My husband loved to get together with his old friends and play DND. This drove my mom nuts, but I enjoyed the weekends apart because I could then read my romance novels without interruptions. We both were better off with the time apart.)

Build a best friendship – if the two of you can become best friends then you’ll be closer to achieving the relationship you both want and can face down the major challenges in your life together. (This is strange but true. My husband doesn’t always understand the girly side of me, but I still enjoying showing off my new clothes to him when I get home from shopping.)

Anita Philmar


Angie said...

I completely agree all that. I've been married for nine and half years and my hubby's my best friend. When you find some one that you click with gotta keep them around. Another thing I like is we can share that comfortable silence, because we both love to read.

Cullensmyguy said...

This is great advice, and it's always good to brush up on partnership skills. I especially agree with the best friend advice. That is so important. Another thing to remember is to cherish every single moment with them, even the tough ones because you never know which moment will be your last. Take LOTS of pictures, leave love notes in lipstick on the mirror, and do nice things for no reason at all. Anything worth while is worth working at. Have a great day.

JoanneR said...

Really good advice. I think that we get so busy we forget some of these things.

Laura said...

Great advice! My husband and I have been married for 19 years now, together for 23 years. It hasn't always been easy but we managed. So many people think that you get married and it should be easy after that - they take it for granted. But marriage, a good marriage, is hard work! My husband is my best friend too. Another tip would be having date night, especially after you have kids.

Great post!

Laura said...

oh! PS - I send my husband sweet or sexy (depending on my mood) little texts during the day while he's at work. Ones I know that are guaranteed to get a smile out of him. And, sometimes, make him...anxious *cough* to get home to me. lol

Terra Pennington said...

You are so right 30 years for me. Enjoyed the advice and it is so true.


Eliza March [Elizabeth Marchat] said...

After forty five years, my husband and I are comfortable with the silnce or the action when our large family returns home.